If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
“If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.”
Mitch Hedberg
Drunk, Rabbits, You
When you cook under pressure you trade perfection.
“When you cook under pressure you trade perfection.”
Gordon Ramsay
Perfection, Pressure, You
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
“If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.”
Tony Robbins
Brainy, Done, You
Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.
“Find something you're passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it.”
Julia Child
Find, Passionate, You
The more things you do, the more you can do.
“The more things you do, the more you can do.”
Lucille Ball
More, Motivational, You
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
Driving, Idiot, You
You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too many limitations, if I did it my way.
“You've got to know your limitations. I don't know what your limitations are. I found out what mine were when I was twelve. I found out that there weren't too...”
Johnny Cash
Know, Way, You
A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.
“A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.”
Mae West
Him, Man, You
You can't understand the words of Cocteau Twins songs, but their harmonies put you in a dreamlike state.
“You can't understand the words of Cocteau Twins songs, but their harmonies put you in a dreamlike state.”
Prince
Understand, Words, You
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
“When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.”
Mitch Hedberg
Hands, Saying, Someone
“Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.”
Mitch Hedberg
Eyes, Meat, People
“If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.”
Mitch Hedberg
Kid, Kitchen, Work
“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”
Mitch Hedberg
Crazy, Drive, Understand
“It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?”
Mitch Hedberg
Football, People, Weird
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.”
Mitch Hedberg
Down, Funny, Know